Fancy pants pie crüst

Off from work today ) and after an invigorating trip to the gym I am back home to clean this apartment, decorate, and bake my fancy pants off! Fün!! Now I’ve gotten to thinking lately (dangerous thing, that) and figured out that since my last (maiden) name actually has the word PIE in it… I should probably git to bakin’ me some pies, eh? Well, guess what? I just finished baking an awesome pumpkin pie. So easy! Holy smokes… pies are great. Easy to make- they look great. Taste even better and they are practically fool proof. I switched up my daddo’s pumpkin pie recipe a bit…

Peter Paul’s Pumpkin Pie
1 can of pumpkin or pumpkin pie mix (15 oz) if you are in a hurry OR 1 whole organic pumpkin peeled, seeded, and pureed in the food processor
1/2 can of evaporated milk or 1 whole can if using a whole organic pumpkin
2 omega rich organic eggs (beaten)
splash of dark organic vanilla extract
sprinkles of “all spice” and “pumpkin pie” spice (McCormick) to taste
a grind of salt (to bring out the umami)
pie crusts (make your own below or buy ready made)
Combine all ingredient in a bowl. The eggs must be beaten before you add to the mix so beat the eggs in the can (or the rind) the pumpkin came in. Add mixture to a pie crust. Bake at 425 for 15 minutes then lower the temp to 350 for 50 minutes. Cool on a wire rack. Finito! Yum yum give me some!
Grandma Millie’s Nudist Camp Apple Pie
6-7 apples of your choice (peeled and cored and cut into pieces)
1.5 cups of sugar
1 splash of organic vanilla extract (brown)
a couple slabs of country fresh cream butter
a dash of all spice
a couple good dashes of cinnamon
a pinch of salt (that’s me)
a pinch of chili powder (me again)
Peel, cut, and core apples. Heat a large pan and drop a few slabs of country fresh butter into the pan. Once it starts sizzling add the apples and sauté for a good while… until they are soft and saucy (about 10 minutes). When you sauté the apples you are reducing the amount of water in the fruit and this eliminates the need to add flour and cornstarch which can hamper the integrity of the pie. Keep it au natural baby! I’m talking “nudist camp” apple pie here. No need to hide behind all that starch and glycemic madness! Keep it free, organic, natural, gooey, and delicious. Keep it real.
Meanwhile, add your cinnamon, sugar, all spice, salt, chili powder, and vanilla extract to the apples as they sauté in your country fresh butter. Careful not to burn da buttah! Mix with wooden spoon. Place your soft pie crust into the pie dish. Lightly flour the inside and outside of the pie crust.
Spoon apples into the pie crust. Add a couple pieces of country fresh butter to the inside for a nice rich flavour. Top with your other soft pie crust. Fold the upper crust under the lower crust and make a nice pinched/fluted design. Read here on how to do it. Brush the top of pie crust with an egg wash (1 beaten egg and some milk) and top with a good sprinkle of sugar for a pie that really glistens and glitters- add some granulated sprinkly sugar. Fun!
Cut some slits in the top of your pie so the steam is let out. Put tin foil around the edges of your pie so you don’t burn the edges. Place pie in preheated 400 degree oven. Bake for 40 minutes.
Let cool on wire rack but serve warm. Yummmmmmm! That’s a picture of Millie P’s pie up there that I baked today to bring to my Üdo family. God bless you and keep you laughing with the saints Gramma P. 🙂 xoxoxoxoxox!

Grandma P.’s Pie Crüst

  • 1.5 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1/2 cup Crisco vegetable shortening
  • A grind of sea salt
  • 3 tablespoons ice water

Mix flour and salt in mixing bowl. Cut shortening into the flour with a pastry cutter, until mixture resembles the texture of tiny split peas. Do not use your hands to try and mix it, the heat from you hands will melt the shortening, causing the pastry to be “heavy”, not light and flaky. Once mixture is the right texture, add the ice water and combine with a fork. It may appear as if it needs more water it does not. Quickly gather the dough into a ball and flatten into a 4-inch-wide disk. Wrap in plastic, and refrigerate at least 30 minutes. Remove dough disk from refrigerator. If stiff and very cold, let stand until dough is cool but malleable. Using a floured rolling pin, roll dough disk on a lightly floured surface from the center out in each direction, forming a 12-inch circle. To transfer dough, carefully roll it around the rolling pin, lift and unroll dough, centering it in an ungreased 9-inch regular or deep-dish pie plate. (Or you can fold dough in quarters, then place dough point in center of pie pan and unfold dough, whatever is easiest for you.) Makes 1 (9-inch) pie crust. Recipe can be doubled for a two-crust pie. Or watch this video for help!


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